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Gh sts

by Stock Photo

/
1.
instrumental
2.
i'm a mess f a pers n barely held t gether, all string and lint and d uble sided tape picking up every dirt and scratch n the way br ken b ttles n the gr und ar und all the little m ments l st in minutiae. tiny fragments and m ments past. they passed me up i th ught we were g nna pass a hearse n the freeway but it zigs and weaves thr ugh traffic s even the dead pass me up reduced t r adnames even the best f us can barely survive s what's that say what's that say ab ut me?
3.
the little ne likes t stare at walls all day l ng staring like it's g nna pen up reveal s me kind f truth t us kissing in the b th we wait f r s me ne t tell us t st p but it's still staring at the wall the br ken ne is grabbing at y ur thr at while y u sleep while y u're sitting there just l king at me fr m acr ss the table beer in hand and hand t knee barely listening t the music fr m the tiny speakers in ur ph nes the quiet ne is tired f the n ise and i'm just tired all the time i'm tired and i can see y u're tired t s we're tired but it's n t the end i think it's ne f th se things we'll kn w it when it c mes we'll kn w it when it c mes i h pe it never c mes we'll kn w it when it c mes
4.
what's that ut f the c rner f my eye? what's that l king thr ugh the wind w in the middle f the night? in the dark. in the screeching silence. render m ments. l se the time it takes t get back in my bed. dr pping time makes me s unc mf rtable but it happens all the time like the glitch in my head isn't just in my head like the wh le w rld is c ming d wn with me. am i haunting myself?
5.
Drink Me 03:47
bl dcl t the net caught and neck l cked rigit statuette hellbent n revenge th ughts blinded by the sun take my head ut f their sights when there's n sh ts t take and n m re faking like this is the life we were meant t have s drink me sure as i'm n t this is the card i'll take f r better r w rse f r the future gambles daily that i w n't wake up the fun is the l ss taught lines n the cr ss staking pain as i'm drawn quartered is hard a fifth f the l ad l st n first repeat y ur stare shaking life d wn t my feet the feat the lead claim place f r all f y ur things i think after all i need a drink
6.
Gh st St ry 04:19
tell me a st ry in the middle f the night flashlight under y ur chin a crackle in y ur v ice. as kids again we huddle r und and barely take a breath it's p werful it's everything it's traveling thr ugh time. tearing thr ugh the vestibule a h rr r in the night claws as black as bl dred wine a milli n children's s uls in his eyes t night's the night. when the haunt c mes ut t play. it never ccurred t us that n ne f it was true and it didn't ccur until n w that it c uld be
7.
talk like there's a pattern in the c rner a writing n the walls i can't make ut the w rds that are carved there all the cutting in the drywall names and dates and fashionably latest fastidious the fractals spinning ff the wall in tiny fragments a pall r ver the r m i'm l sing my mind am i l sing y u? i'm ch sing this time t l ve y u like i d drag ut the hand h ld like the r m is breathing a s ng with ut a n te pass n the chance t break int the safe h use instead we'll have an ther drink
8.
frustrated with myself with h w i h ld myself h w i f ld myself int n thing i feel like a burden undue and n t endearing a pall up n the land with the grey skies and withered hands when the battles f the br ken pr mises kiss the sky and wander listlessly ar und i feel the patterns in y ur hands h w they wrinkle when y u pull me int y u with the grey skies and withered hands h w y u fix me when i'm d wn i wanna d that (very) same thing f r y u i think we're better ff when we're b th n t falling apart (i'd l ve t n t be falling apart) the little gh st in the b x the ther ne pasted t the walls the families f all th se wh already passed n they kn w where hearts are right they kn w where we are they're watching ver us they're watching ver us with their grey skies and withered hands
9.
i'm scillating spinning ut fr m the darkness int light and falling back t shad w between the living and the dead the numb and raw nerve i'm ut f c ntr l but held tight in place in a trance and lucid at the same time i'm fading faster than i ever have bef re and i'm curi usly s lid all the while a s iled garment bef re and after cleaning i'm n fire and i d n't kn w h w t d use the flames i feel like a gh st in my wn h use
10.
i am a spirit a leper a w nt n l athing i am a fact ry dilluti n pandering t the l t i am a pill w a dandy a quivering mass f dark i am a faction f a c ngress depending n itself t survive i am a pasture a farmland a fashi n f the sh re i am disappearing i am unh ly and fears me i am haunting you i am haunting this place until it burns t the gr und (i am what y u always feared i'd bec me i am everything y u said i was n t i am every nightmare that y u can think f i am haunting y u until y u are g ne)
11.
i'm living with gh sts in my head in the lead n the gr und in the walls in my m rning c ffee in the sh ps and the car i'm ut f r m in my head in the walls in the dirt n the gr und in my m rning r utine in the street and the p l i'm gasping f r air in my head fading in and ut in the walls spinning r und the r m in the street and the p l in the sh ps and the car in the terr r n y ur lips i'm already g ne

about

It was a dream. A nightmare. A dark reverie. A failing somewhere in my brain. A missed charge on some synapse somewhere where conscious thought meets the unconscious doldrums that keep you breathing. Some kind of waking coma? I’ll never be sure. Just that it really sucked.

I don’t even know how long it went on. It felt like years. Months at the very least. It couldn’t have been longer than an instant. A blink just as the back door I haven’t opened in months lets the stench of work-from-home-inability-to-clean-up-after-one’s-self out into the world while simultaneously temporarily blinding myself because I forgot what sunlight feels like.

It doesn’t matter how many times you try to take yourself out of it. That moment won’t let go. Not until it’s done. You just have to hold your breath and let it decay right in front of you. Then you can wake up, shake your head and move on.

I imagine it happens to everyone. It’s just that everyone else has the ability to immediately forget the hell they just went through.

I’m not that lucky. That damn misfire. “The glitch” I like to call it.

It feels like disappearing in real time. Slowly. Excruciatingly. They say you’re always one second closer to death. What if you’re really just one second closer to becoming a gh st?

You might try to say they’re the same thing. I assure you they are not. Gh sts are real. And death is something else entirely. It’s permanence or the lack of it. Absolute-ism and a soul, or whatever you want to call it, stuck in time. Light and dark. Yin and yang.

Which one’s the light? Yeah. That’s the fucking question.

I never used to believe it myself. I just heard the whispers. The stories. The things kids like to tell other kids to scare them shitless at slumber parties. The stories you tell at dinner parties that always start out with “Now, I don’t really believe in gh sts but…”

It’s a coin flip which one you’ll get. Don’t even try to guess. You can’t plan for it. It just happens.

Anyway. Let me tell you about the year I turned into a gh st.

credits

released August 4, 2021

Written, Engineered, Produced, and Mixed by Iain Greba
Vocals, Guitars, Bass, Synths by Iain Greba
Drums by Byron Harden
Mastered by Jesse Cannon at Found Soundation Studios
Copyright 2021

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Stock Photo Chicago, Illinois

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